On a great amount of faith and with a great amount of trepidation I started Bible Study Fellowship with our boys in February. The class starts with the school year in January, so when I started at the beginning of February I had only missed a week. I really like the study and the boys have taken to it like fish in water. God has used it in my life the past few months and I am so thankful for the refining He’s doing. One part of a lecture is particularly pertinent to what I write here. Each week we have a discussion time and a lecture time. During the lecture one week one of the principles was “The desire for personal fame fuels disobedience to God.” WOW-that hit me right where I needed it.
You see, I’d already been thinking a lot about why I write, why I share our life in this space. As I find honesty to be the best policy I will admit that I had grown frustrated and jealous about other blogs and websites that I kept seeing pop up on Facebook. OTHER people were getting attention and recognition for their life and what they were walking through, but not me. Am I not interesting? Am I not worthy of reading? Am I not good enough? You can see where the spiral of self-doubt and bitterness can go from there.
God used that part of the lecture, along with other parts of the study with BSF and other events in life as a whole, to get me to the point of really searching myself, really having to decide what mattered: His pleasure or other people’s approval. I originally wanted to write to share our story, our life, our journey. We live an atypical life and have experiences most people will only read about (like maybe here? (;) We know people all over the world now and being able to share some things in a public way was going to be an easy way to help people stay up to date. And as we’ve been here I have realized how deep and profound my responsibility can be in sharing what God is teaching us about who He is and the world He created. I wanted to share His story, His world.
I thankfully didn’t write during the stretch where jealousy, bitterness, and doubt were at the highest point. Being human I will probably still have pangs of jealousy or wistful moments wishing thousands of people will refer to what I write as the best thing they read all week. In reality I’ll be writing to share my life. In the process of personally sorting out things our team talked about what we will and won’t be sharing on blogs, which further helped me clarify my purpose in writing. From here on out any work-related updates will be done solely through email and snail mail, so join our prayer team or financial support team for our email updates or send us your snail mail address to receive our newsletter. You can contact us through the “Contact Toffer” or “Contact Becky” link on the right.
The past few months have also been busy. I have an official job with our team now that takes up approximately 3.5 hours a week. I like having a few hours to do something different with my brain and let Toffer do the at-home stuff. We’ve decided that we should generally stick to our typical day jobs except for those 3.5 hours. And we were given a trip that we took in April-a great family trip that we will cherish. And then we’ve just been living life. We’ve spent time with friends and run our typical errands and gone swimming and worked through school with Samuel and let Benjamin do dozens of somersaults and gone to bed exhausted every night because we have three children four and under and live cross-culturally.
So all that to say pretty much nothing and everything. I’m going to keep writing and being honest and letting you in on bits and pieces of our life. If you have questions or things you’d like to know let me know. We’re happy to share what we can. I have ideas of some possible posts. We’ll see where it goes from here. For now it’s late. My kids are asleep and so should I be. Good night!