This is Where I’ve Always Wanted to Live

I’ll be quite honest that post-partum hormones hit me like a load of bricks this time around.  I had a much harder time than I did with Samuel and Benjamin.  Apparently being in a drastically different environment without family and only having a few friends around along with being older can do that.  So, I sought out anything that seemed to help me feel better. About two weeks in I figured out taking walks seemed to help a little, so any time I started feeling really off I told Toffer I needed to go out for a few minutes and out I went.

I spent most of that time praying-usually asking God to bring back my clear and sound mind and more regulated body, but also for this place.  We live in a community with about 70 units in it, but the community is within a neighborhood. So, I’ll walk around our small community  and then out into the neighborhood.  As I was walking in the neighborhood I turned onto a road and out in front of me were palm trees, red-tile roof houses, and a hill beyond the neighborhood.  I had this thought at the moment “This is where I’ve always wanted to live.” God clearly put that thought in my head because at that point in time all I wanted was to go home.

I was walking again a week or so later and had a similar experience. There’s a condo building right next to our community.  In fact, the only things that actually have addresses on our street are that condo building and our community. The rest of the houses that are along the street are either the backs or sides that face other streets in the neighborhood. So, anyway, I’m walking along in our community and come to the dead end and look up at the condo building. I see a woman on her balcony on the 4th or 5th floor talking up to someone on the balcony of the floor above her. As I watched the interaction I had the same thought again-“This is where I’ve always wanted to live.”

I began to process what that meant.  I’ll honestly say if someone gave me a world map and say “Pick a place to live” our location would not be the one I’d choose. If I were choosing, I’d head right back to Murfreesboro.  We really liked living there and hope that at whatever point God puts us back in the US full time that we will live there again.  But I’m not in the business of getting to choose where I live. I’m in the business of letting God choose where I live. And this is where He put us.

I’ve wanted to be in our line of work for many years now.  The past few years in particular have been spent working towards living this life and following God where He was leading us.  And that is why this is where I’ve always wanted to live. I’ve always wanted to live where God called.  For a number of years now I’ve specifically wanted to live in Asia.  And for the six months before we moved I wanted to live in this particular location because it’s where God put our team to spend time in between traveling. Having that thought come into my head not once, but twice, was just another confirmation that we are where we should be.  For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, this is where we live. I may not love right now. It’s not my favorite place in the world, but it’s where I’ve always wanted to live because it’s where God has for me to live and that is what I want most of all.